5/24/07

I feel that we are working harder at the end of the year than we ever have in the middle. Not that that is a huge deal, I am just making observations. I would rather big projects be at the end of the year because I would not feel so bad if I decided to do a shitty job. It is the end of the year, who the heck cares? I well be out of school in 4 days. Wow, kind of weird. I have four days to say good bye to my school from the last three years. It was all I knew, and I have to say bye to people. I am always a little sad when it comes to transitions, but I handle well if I have the same amount of attention, and amenities at the new setting. I am hoping summer school is pretty laid back. It would be cool if there were anyone that I still talked to from my home school I could hang out with and rant and rip on Microsoft all summer. Ahhh, good times. I plan on keeping in touch with most people from my school, but that is what I said about everybody else who left, and I did for the first month or so, and then never again. I have a feeling this transition will be much the same. I just like to look forward. It is not that I like to look forward (which I do) but it is that I have to or I will become all i dont even know. I am always looking forward, with minimum looking back. Obviously I have to look back to lessons I have learned about life, about previous conversations with people, and the basic stuff. But I am focused on progress, or digressing. I am always changing, which pisses me off a little bit, but I also love that about myself. If I like sprite, but I take a look at my life, and decide it is time for a change of mind set and outlook, that will be the last time I buy sprite. I used to think I would be the best person in the world, I would be so great, because I had such amazing perseverance if what I was working for really mattered to me. But pushing so hard, not letting anything matter, made me great, at whatever I was trying to do for a while, but eventually the pressure broke me down. And over the past few years, I have been working myself back up, but gradually, I do not want greatness as much as I used to. I do not even remember what I wanted, I think I just thought about what mattered most to me and shut down all focus on everything else. I am a lot more balanced now, I consider myself pretty normal seeming on the outside, I am quiet, and have funny hair, but I love the hair, and am working on being more social even when all there is to say in a situation is something I think a total idiot would say, I guess I could say it. I however, think on the inside, I am much different than most people. My outlook, well that is kind of what it is, I am an onlooker, I study the world, people and their reactions to different things. Sure, i do not notice who has the biggest crush on who, but I do notice when people are figiting due to being uncomfortable, I am fascinated by how much body language can tell you. (although it is pretty awkward to stare somebody down) And I make decisions on how to and what to say and do in life to get the least negative attention, and overall what I have to do to stay happy with life. I often make decisions based on the people behind what I am deciding. Whatever that sentence means. Like an example that is kind of what I am saying, but not really is I am at an office store, and I am looking at pens, I could buy Bic, or papermate, I will think about what I know about who runs the company, (if i know anything) or study the build, design, and other tiny things to decide who deserves my service. I think I have a different way of looking at life than most people, but in the long run, the outcome of what I do is the same. Wow, i really babbled on about my mentality today now didn't I? Well, I will talk to you all later. By the way, Derek, if you are reading this, what is Safari Land?

Thanks,

-Ryan

4/12/07

Good evening, morning, afternoon, what ever suites your mood. I have had a crappy day. I went to school and I was content with everything, BOL was nothing special, got to school, took the Mitch Album research I did last night and I wrote a biography, then i went to see miss d (social worker I am required to have by state law for those of you that do not really know me and are stalking me) but I am usually cool with her, but her and I do not agree with anything anymore. We just argued. I talked to Annabelle Elizabeth Srodulski which has not responded to my emails. Which is tragic. I sent out many friend requests last night, 25, 4 accepted, and 12 asked who the hell are you. I said who I was, and most were like oh nice to meetchya and accepted me. And Many said, sorry, i do not know you. I have to tell you about lunch today though. TBA club is what a certain lazy staff member at my school decided to call the club she created. TBA for to be assigned, not computer club, not movie club, not so and so club, but TBA club. Dumb ass, anyway, we did a saltine eating contest, in which I refused to take part in and was told I have to or I will be kicked out, and I do not need that kind of drama at this point in time so i took the fucking crackers. I took a bite and threw them out. Next, we did a "special" talent contest. Were people went cross eyed, flexed their bodies in strange ways, and made fools of themselves. The was the poker face contest, which I knew at the beginning I would win because I admire people who can keep a strait face and intimidate people and want to be like them. I set this goal like four years ago, and I am extremely good at it. I do not find a whole lot funny either. I will laugh sometimes and smile to appear interested and just plain be polite. Do find things people may say funny, just not worthy of laughing out loud. I went home, did not have any homework, had some comments from Ali, that was fun, nobody writes me. People that I know outside of this little black machine i am tapping my fingers on at least. I then went to the store, came home, did the trash, watched ER, the daily show, the Colbert report, and now am blogging. I will update and charge my ipod in a few, then shower, and fall gently to sleep. Ahhh, my cheesy choice of words makes going to bed sound so much more fun. I think I will go shower now so I can do that.