5/24/07

I feel that we are working harder at the end of the year than we ever have in the middle. Not that that is a huge deal, I am just making observations. I would rather big projects be at the end of the year because I would not feel so bad if I decided to do a shitty job. It is the end of the year, who the heck cares? I well be out of school in 4 days. Wow, kind of weird. I have four days to say good bye to my school from the last three years. It was all I knew, and I have to say bye to people. I am always a little sad when it comes to transitions, but I handle well if I have the same amount of attention, and amenities at the new setting. I am hoping summer school is pretty laid back. It would be cool if there were anyone that I still talked to from my home school I could hang out with and rant and rip on Microsoft all summer. Ahhh, good times. I plan on keeping in touch with most people from my school, but that is what I said about everybody else who left, and I did for the first month or so, and then never again. I have a feeling this transition will be much the same. I just like to look forward. It is not that I like to look forward (which I do) but it is that I have to or I will become all i dont even know. I am always looking forward, with minimum looking back. Obviously I have to look back to lessons I have learned about life, about previous conversations with people, and the basic stuff. But I am focused on progress, or digressing. I am always changing, which pisses me off a little bit, but I also love that about myself. If I like sprite, but I take a look at my life, and decide it is time for a change of mind set and outlook, that will be the last time I buy sprite. I used to think I would be the best person in the world, I would be so great, because I had such amazing perseverance if what I was working for really mattered to me. But pushing so hard, not letting anything matter, made me great, at whatever I was trying to do for a while, but eventually the pressure broke me down. And over the past few years, I have been working myself back up, but gradually, I do not want greatness as much as I used to. I do not even remember what I wanted, I think I just thought about what mattered most to me and shut down all focus on everything else. I am a lot more balanced now, I consider myself pretty normal seeming on the outside, I am quiet, and have funny hair, but I love the hair, and am working on being more social even when all there is to say in a situation is something I think a total idiot would say, I guess I could say it. I however, think on the inside, I am much different than most people. My outlook, well that is kind of what it is, I am an onlooker, I study the world, people and their reactions to different things. Sure, i do not notice who has the biggest crush on who, but I do notice when people are figiting due to being uncomfortable, I am fascinated by how much body language can tell you. (although it is pretty awkward to stare somebody down) And I make decisions on how to and what to say and do in life to get the least negative attention, and overall what I have to do to stay happy with life. I often make decisions based on the people behind what I am deciding. Whatever that sentence means. Like an example that is kind of what I am saying, but not really is I am at an office store, and I am looking at pens, I could buy Bic, or papermate, I will think about what I know about who runs the company, (if i know anything) or study the build, design, and other tiny things to decide who deserves my service. I think I have a different way of looking at life than most people, but in the long run, the outcome of what I do is the same. Wow, i really babbled on about my mentality today now didn't I? Well, I will talk to you all later. By the way, Derek, if you are reading this, what is Safari Land?

Thanks,

-Ryan